What I’ve learned so far…
Things have changed so rapidly in our world for the past two weeks that I could have written an entirely different parenting column every single day. I also could have given you different advice every day – none of it coming close to encompassing the vastly different playing fields we are all playing on.
So, in this column, I’ve decided not to try. I’m not going to be able to meet you all where you are – those who are working from home, those who are still working, those who have become newly unemployed – so I’m not even going to pretend to.
Instead, I’m going to give you a look at my own crazy journey – the one I’m still on – in the hopes that it helps even one of you realize that, no matter what, it’s going to be OK.
Let it go
Those familiar words have begun to ring oh so true to me this week as I realize that the schedule I started out with, the one that was an hour-by-hour sketch of the ideal day – well, it’s not so ideal after all and it’s definitely not fun.
I haven’t let it go entirely, I’m not sure all-out chaos would go well with my perfectionistic brain, but I have released the reins – a lot.
Now, instead of calling out “homework time!” and “lunchtime!” like I’m the timekeeper at a sporting event, I use my schedule as a guideline that keeps the ship from sinking. I look to it for guidance on what has to be done every day – hair brushed, bed made, teeth cleaned – and make sure those things are accomplished before the kids move on to free play.
Learning is going to look a lot different at the Wagoner Academy than it did at their schools.
I came into last week guns blazing when it came to school work. I’ve got to admit, the pressure wasn’t entirely of my own making. The schools were sending an inbox full of emails suggesting this online platform or that learning resource. And social media was a host of helpful parents and educators posting science projects, art projects and more educational tips.
It felt great for the first few days. I felt supported. I felt excited. I felt like a part of the team. I lined my kids out – and used up all of my printer ink – printing packets, discussing homework expectations and absolutely freaking them out.
Then I remembered that thing that I truly believe about education, which is: it is in everything. OK, maybe not sitting in front of the television numbly watching episode after episode of My Little Ponies, but it is in cooking, planting a garden, playing with Legos, building a Little Critter land, even sitting and staring out the window.
And once I let go of my rigid expectations a little, a fabulous thing happened – nothing.
They did not become little renegades from learning. They already know a whole lot, it turns out. And they actually like learning. So, they didn’t need me to boss them around, they needed me to allow them to choose their own learning path and encourage them on it. It probably made it a whole lot more fun. Now they’re reading books of their own choosing for hours at a time, sometimes during “free-play time.” There is experimentation in the kitchen. There have been times when the kids have – without being coaxed – picked up those work packets and done some math.
It’s OK to be bored
There is nothing like hearing the words, “I’m bored,” from your children on an endless loop all day long. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me, and every time I hear it, I feel inclined to assign the needy child a task – if only to make it stop.
But I’ve set out to break the habit – for all of us – by explaining that boredom is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s productive. Creativity is born of boredom. Great art, amazing science and fabulous music was not born of regimented study – well not entirely – but rather from the ingenuity that comes from noodling around.
Therefore, boredom isn’t boring, it’s exciting! It’s the feeling one gets right before creativity sets up camp. And it’s the perfect time to follow one’s curiosity.
I have no doubt this pep talk will go over like a ton of bricks with nearly every child, at least in the beginning. Which is why I’m not reaching out to them; I’m reaching out to you. Do not fall into the trap of taskmaster. Tell those kids to do something they have always wanted to do but haven’t had time for because of school, chores and recreational activities. Tell them to follow their curiosity. Or, maybe just cheerfully ignore them – put in your earbuds and listen to a podcast if needs be – and see what emerges.
What do I want the takeaway from all of this to be?
This time is going to go down in the history books – that is just a given. But it is also going to be recorded in the history of our family. And whereas I do not get a say in how the history books are written, I do get to play a part in how my children remember this time.
I do not want them remembering, when they look back, that it was a time of chaos and fear. Because that could so easily be the case. After all, that is what we are mainly being fed – a daily diet of fear and chaos – and abstaining from passing those feelings on to the rest of the household is difficult.
So, I’m taking a break – not entirely, because I think it is important to stay informed about the situation – but I’m not making the coronavirus the only thing I think about.
Instead I am thinking about the good that is coming out of this difficult situation – the medical staff who are working so hard; the aid workers who are putting plans into place so that when those who have lost their jobs need help, help will be there; and the community members who are helping each other, checking in with their neighbors and following social-distancing mandates to keep one another safe.
These are the news stories I seek out and these are the things I try to focus my conversations on because that is what I want my children to remember – that when the world could have turned difficult and scary, people from around the globe stepped forward to help each other out.
Inside Activities
• Maintain a schedule (studies show kids thrive on a schedule, especially during stressful times)
• Visit online education platforms for fun ideas (many are offering free access)
• Play an instrument, learn an instrument online or make instruments and form your own band
• Make a complicated recipe you’ve been wanting to try
• Dust off the board games and puzzles, or teach your kids chess
• Lego challenges
• Get creative (draw, paint, collage, write stories, act out a play)
• Organize photos (kids love to see pictures of themselves!)
• Write letters (especially to grandparents or others who may be isolated)
• Hide and seek
• Facetime, phone or email friends and family
• Read books together or alone
• Exercise
Outside Activities
(for those with the space to maintain social distancing)
• Take a walk, a run or a hike *
• Ride a bike or a scooter (or teach someone to do these things) *
• Take a drive *
• Play ball!
• Have a picnic
• Take the class outside
• Paint messy pictures
• Hopscotch, marbles, jacks, jump rope (remember all those?)
• Build a fort
• Work in the yard or garden
* With parental supervision.
