I’m not much of a gambler. Oh, I have bought a random lottery ticket over the years, but never won much. The grand total of my winnings is something like $4. I might as well have tossed my money out the car window.
Which brings me to computer systems and artificial intelligence and the need to toss them out the window, too.
I don’t know about you, but almost every time I hop on my computer to buy a plane ticket or do anything else, I’m gambling, and the odds are against me. Something will probably be screwed up.
I recently had occasion to interact with our state government. The result was a total hash of incorrect information, contradictory instructions and a chatbot that cheerfully informed me that almost everything I was doing was wrong. Note that it didn’t help me fix the problem, it just pointed out that most of what I was previously told was worthless.
I may be an idiot – I have shown that to be true on many occasions over the last seven decades – but how is it that chatbots and AI make me look like a genius?
I fully understand that mistakes happen, both human and computer-caused. That’s all part of life. It is unrealistic to expect perfection.
But when problems arise, companies and state agencies put up a screen of busy signals and four-hour wait times on their telephone systems and worthless chatbots. One agency even has a chatbot setup that forces you to wait hours to use. It’s as though your time has no value.
Give me a human being, please.
I have found that people are far easier to work with, and get the job done faster and more accurately. Especially after a computer has messed things up, a person can fix most problems in a few minutes. Instead of waiting hours to be told by a chatbot that the information another chatbot told me was wrong, an actual person can resolve a problem.
I get the feeling that many government agencies and companies are run by monkeys with spreadsheets. They seek “efficiency” (and to save money) by replacing humans with multimillion-dollar computer systems. The problem is the services they provide to customers, or taxpayers, are degraded so much that they only frustrate the hell out of them – and provide fodder for columnists.
Nothing is actually accomplished, wasting everyone’s time and money. This forces the public to go back time and again to resolve problems that could have been avoided in the first place. It also further overloads the phone-chatbot-AI system.
The other day, I signed up for cell phone service online. The instructions were so convoluted that Albert Einstein couldn’t have deciphered them. Then I saw it: if you are over 65, you could call an 800 number and an actual person would help you. I did that, and in a few minutes I was a happy customer shoveling money in the company’s direction.
I also recommended that several friends, who aren’t over 65, use the phone number to get help and sign up. I was relieved to hear that no birth certificates were required and they are now happy customers.
Last month, the folks in China announced they had invented a new, low-cost artificial intelligence system. It is a sure sign that nation will go straight down the tubes.
But it will make the spreadsheet monkeys happy.
I’d bet on it.
Carl Sampson is a freelance writer and editor. He lives in Stayton.
